Create-A-Servant 2

**gyrowins** · October 7th, 2018, 02:54 PM

Sharur

Class: Breaker
Other Applicable Classes: None
Alignment: Lawful Good
Sex: None (Default Personality: Male)
Height: 75 cm
Weight: 4 kg
Armament: None

STR: A
CON: A
AGI: - (C, via flight)
MGI: B
LCK: -
Noble Phantasm: EX

Legend

A powerful artifact of Sumerian legend: the mace of the god Ninurta. This sacred artefact was coined by the sacred wind Enlil himself to serve as weapon, servant, and friend to his son. Among the numerous exploits of Ninurta, Sharur is best known for its involvement in the defeat of Asag, a monstrous demon that controlled the very foundation stones of the earth and which was causing illnesses and poisoning the waters. In that tale, Sharur serves his master not only as a weapon would, but also as a tactician and as an emissary from Enlil.
In order to confront this creature, Sharur had to build up the weak-willed god into the great hero and hunter he was destined to be. It was his task, given to him by his creator, to turn a god of Agriculture into one of war and battle. While Ninurta fled after his first confrontation with Asag, the two eventually managed to defeat it and release the pure waters it had kept from the world. With their own might, they built up the banks of the Euphrates and the Tigris so that the fertility of the two rivers would make the crescent between them an ideal place for man’s civilization to flourish.
Since it was designed as a protector for a young, weak, godling, Sharur disappeared from Ninurta’s tales after the god had established himself as a proper deity. While Sharur itself sleeps somewhere on the Other Side of the World, other weapons have inherited its legacy. These spiritual successors, however, follow their own paths and select their own kings. They take many forms, such as a sword stuck in a stone to one granted by a god to a child that sought vengeance from birth.

Tactics

Sharur Sharur was designed to be able to adapt to the personality and requirements of his chosen Master. As such, he will run a thorough diagnostic scan the moment he is picked up. The thorough scanning process is extremely painful for baseline humans given that it was designed for godlings. Once the scan is complete, Sharur will change his voice, personality, and even gender to best compliment its Master. This need not be a persona that the Master enjoys, rather one that is ideal for their specific problems. For example, a Master that does not respond well to authority figures may get a Sharur who acts more like a close comrade, while a different Master who was once in the army may find their Sharur acting like an old drill instructor. As uncomfortable as it may sound, the weapon does delve into the Master’s memories to facilitate this divine task. Sharur does not refer to his Master by that title, rather, he will find an appropriate name that will make his task easier.
While Sharur will suggest a best course of action, he will never act in place of the Master unless a dire situation arises. In that case, it may invoke its commanding spirit in order to temporarily become a divine beast to protect its Master. This usually only happens early on in a Grail War, since by the end of it the Master will typically reach the level of a Heroic Spirit themselves. While the Master does get to keep the artifacts Sharur makes for them, they do not get to keep Sharur himself.

Class Abilities

Magic Resistance: C

A skill that provides resistances against magical effects. Cancel spells with a chant below two verses. Cannot defend against Magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. For a heroic spirit who faced a primordial dragon in combat, this Resistance is surprisingly low. It was Ninurta who provided the Magic Resistance necessary for the fight against Asag, not his mace. Sharur gets annoyed if this is brought up, regardless of his personality.

Mana Burst (Light): A

A rather flashy version of Mana Burst reserved for only the holiest and most sacred individuals. Inimical to demonic and monstrous existences. Sharur may either call down light beams as a scepter, or simply exude destructive light from himself when wielded. Additionally, this may be deployed as constructed plates of solid light, able to be used for movement or for last minute defense. Its usage of light brings to mind a certain sword of selection...

Thanks to Sharur's origin as a lamassu, he can use the destructive beams of light he makes to quickly travel in a straight line.

Personal Skills

Hero Creation (Automatic): EX

A skill representing the ability to create a “hero” worthy of legend. Rather than an active choice of Sharur, it is the very programming that causes him to exist. In essence, Sharur does not act unless it is for the sake of making his Master a hero. This skill encompasses the effects of the Enchant skill, though Sharur does not have direct control over what bonuses are granted. Sharur only grants skills and abilities that are appropriate to his master and will usually refuse to grant a specific skill if requested, calling it a “breach of protocol.” Thus, Sharur’s main source of aid (other than being used as a weapon, of course) will be providing tactical information as per his Advice of the Strategist skill. Of course, Sharur will also take other strides to create a more heroic image for his master, such as fashioning magical armor and making changes to his master's daily routine.

Divine Beast Metamorphosis: B

A high form of the Shapeshift skill that allows the servant to transform into a divine beast. During times of great need, Sharur is capable of transforming himself into a winged lion-like humanoid, a lamassu. These powerful divine beasts served as protective spirits for the ancient Sumerians and Sharur’s commanding soul was created with them as a base. While a servant who could transform into those types of beasts should have a higher rank in this skill, Sharur cannot maintain the form for more than a few turns.

Sharur's Lamassu Form (Default: Male)

Advice of the Strategist: A-

A skill given to Servants considered strategists for other heroes. By grasping and analyzing the situation, correct advice can be given to one’s allies. The higher the rank, the better the probability of the advice given being correct. The advice given will be 100% correct as long as it does not contain any unforeseen circumstances. Additionally, success rates will decrease proportionally with how far the recipient is from the Lawful Good alignment.

Noble Phantasm

Sharur
The Scepter That Makes its King

Rank: A+
Type: Anti-Unit (Self) Noble Phantasm
Range: 5 m
Maximum Targets: Single Target

A Divine Construct that is the main body of the servant Sharur himself. At base level, the divine enchantments that lie carved into the golden metal of its form cause it to deal ten times its normal damage rating to enemies considered Draconic or Demonic, as defeating those types of enemies are what made the mace famous. In the presence of those types of enemies, Sharur will glow brightly to warn his master of the nearby threat. The enchantments the mace bears greatly resemble those used in later holy weapons, as well as enchantments yet used by the Church in certain sacraments.
The gemstones installed on each of the mace’s flanges are reinforced photonic crystal superprisms that serve both as Sharur’s eyes and as his first level processing units. These crystals then transmit the partially processed information to higher level command units deeper within the head of the mace. The materials have been reinforced with inertial dampeners to maintain a constant stable environment within the weapon’s interior. Sharur’s programming is sufficiently complex to grant it an advanced form of sentience, enough to allow Enlil, the Great Wind, to bestow him with a modicum of breath, of soul. Because he has a soul, Sharur is able to be summoned as a Servant. All it needs is a suitable class...
Sharur does not lie within the treasury of Gilgamesh since it predates him by several hundred years and was sealed away along with Ninurta long ago. Even if he had been placed into the vault, he would have burst out of it as soon as he detected someone worthy of wielding him.

Zalag Namursang (Shining Heroism)
The Supreme Wind Calls a Star Down to Earth

Rank: EX
Type: Anti-Unit Noble Phantasm
Range: 5 m (Initially)
Maximum Targets: Single Target

The crystallized memory of Asag’s takedown, permanently kept within Sharur’s memory banks as the moment that immortalized the pride he felt for what Ninurta had become. This Noble Phantasm is sealed away until Sharur is able to recognize that same feeling of heroism in his master as that which Ninurta had. At this point, as the battle calls for an end, Sharur will finally refer to his Master as “Master.”
Five strikes. Four serve as calibration, to analyze the defensive parameters of an opponent. These are dealt with increasing levels of strength as Sharur begins overclocking its internal mana furnace. Each impact’s data is stored within a magical cuneiform circle that manifests behind Sharur’s master. The data is then used by Sharur to prepare the fifth strike. The fifth, final strike, has the exact damage rating necessary to utterly destroy an opponent. The four cuneiform circles move forward, creating a projected flight path for Sharur’s master to travel along, gaining speed until the inertia and destructive mana is enough to deal the necessary amount of damage. While this damage rating is typically enough to kill an opponent, Sharur is only capable of dealing the same amount of destructive force as an extinction level meteor. This is what was needed to kill his greatest foe, the massive demon of the Earth, Asag.

Author's Notes

**King of Padoru** · October 7th, 2018, 04:05 PM

Another incredible sheet from gyro. Looking forwards to see more living weapon sheets

**Kabalisto Koga** · October 7th, 2018, 04:08 PM

Originally Posted by PlatineDragon

I think I already got on the swing of things in here, let me know what you think of this one:

Assassin

Faceclaim

Identity

Personality

Background

They both were born citizens Athens, and they both were fated to become part of each other’s lives.

During the time that they lived, the city of Athens was under the command of the two sons of the previous tyrant, who too were tyrants themselves. Even though the term “tyrant” was different from what is today, they both were growing increasingly unpopular once Hipparchus (brother of the ruler and minister of culture) started to abuse the power of his position.

Among one of these actions, it was one that affected directly Harmodius. That would happen because Hipparchus would have feelings for him, but Harmodius would reject him. After this, Hipparchus, as a revenge, would call Harmodius sister to participate in a religious event, but would chase her out of the city under the accusation that she was not a virgin, and has disgraced the ritual for doing so. Such a scene has disgraced Harmodius family.

Eventually, Harmodius and Aristogeiton would become lovers, and they would discover a common disliking for the tyrants. In this, the two would conspire and would hatch a plan to destroy these two.

The plot was to be carried with hidden daggers during a great ceremony in which both of the tyrants would be present. The plan was to use the crowd to approach their targets with their daggers, stab them to death, and then merge back to the crowd and leave before the guards could organize themselves.

However, the plan went wrong as the lovers thought that they had been betrayed, and they had to rush with their plan. They were able to kill Hipparchus, but the spearmen came to the aid Hippias (the true ruler) before they could complete the plan. The lovers and their co-conspirators ran, but Harmodius was killed on the spot, while Aristogeiton would later be captured and tortured to give the names of the co-cospirators, but died before he gave any name.

After this, Hippias became paranoid, and increased his tyranny, causing a great dissatisfaction from the people, and he would later be overthrow.
The memory of the two lovers resisted, and they became known as the first tyrannicides.

Parameters

Skills

NP

A interesting Concept ,platine Dragon you have really got the swing, i for myself has needed sometime with testing some Features ,but to Comeback a really good second profile ,one Question how are their attack maneuvers ? asider their Noblephantasm .

**PlatineDragon** · October 7th, 2018, 04:54 PM

Well, I was thinking that they would alternate on their attacks, ususally with one diverging the attention while the other sneaks and attacks as a surprise. After all, they are two, are a team, and are Assassin.

**Kabalisto Koga** · October 8th, 2018, 04:57 PM

Sharur : a quite really interesting profile gyro ! one Questions what are the conditions for the servant contest ?

**Dragolord09** · October 8th, 2018, 06:18 PM

Here are the general conditions: http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...=1#post2359196

And here is this month's prompt: http://forums.nrvnqsr.com/showthread...=1#post2909668

**Slick146** · October 9th, 2018, 12:07 PM

Class: Berserker
Alternate Classes: Saber, Rider, Avenger
True Name: War the Red Rider
Alignment: Chaotic Neutral
Armament: Nothing at the beginning
Manifestation Cost: Impossible

Bio:
The creature known as War is not a singular being.

He was with the men at Thermopylae, the noble Greeks and the Persian hordes, he saw no difference between either of them. He saw only soldiers.

In the Israelites wars of conquest, he walked alongside them, among the Canaanites, among the many invaders who came upon them. He cared not for which god they worshipped, only that they were soldiers.

As Troy fell, he did so observe the carnage and cared not for the wails of the women and children or the harsh words of the warriors. All he saw were his victims.

In the turmoil of the wars waged by Rome, he found himself marching into the lands of the barbarians and aiding them in resisting the invaders.

From the Mongol hordes swarming across the world to the Thirty Years War, from the Russians Time of Troubles to the Spanish Armada, the American War of Independence to Alexander's conquests, the World Wars and Sri Lanka's Civil War, he was present for all of it.

They paid their tribute to him in their lives, and this he has not forgotten. War sees no difference between the unknown soldier whose name is forgotten and buried in a mass grave alongside his fallen enemies and the mightiest of kings who are buried in illustrious tombs after their breast is pierced by a spear. War only sees soldiers fighting and dying in him, for him, with him, ravaging the land for him, slaughtering the innocent and leaving ruination as hate fuels them.

To War, all are the same. To War, all are equal. For War is a vessel of death, the burner of cities and the salter of fields, bringer of famine and slaughterer of armies, conqueror of nations great and small.

War is ever changing, yet, he is always hell.

Parameters
Strength: A+
Endurance: B+
Agility: A+
Mana: B+
Luck: B+
NP: EX

Class Skills:

Madness Enchantment: EX
To observers, Berserker seems completely sane, capable of holding a conversation for hours, a quiet brooding presence brewing with murderous intent. In truth, due to the nature of the Servant, Berserker the minds of many thousands of soldiers, all who died unknown and unmourned in battle, alongside the mind of the horseman War. When battle is joined, War is completely unpredictable and uncontrollable, wild and destructive with no regards for his whatever is in his way, only that all in his way are destroyed. War cares not for who is killed in his ramage, nor does he care for any damage done to himself. However, because it shares his mind with thousands of dead unknown soldiers, Berserker is conflicted and liable to attack anyone at random unless properly restrained by a powerful Master. Furthermore, many of these soldiers may have been foes in life and bare those same feelings of hatred for each, while also hating War for claiming their lives. However, hatred is not the only thing sweeping within them. Their hopes for the future, their memories, the love they held for others, their joy, their passion, their will, all has been pulled into one being alongside the War psyche. Berserker's behaviour can become outright self destructive to the point of suicidal recklessness because of this.

All parameters have been given a rank up.

Personal Skills:

Independent Action: A+
As the very embodiment of war, Berserker is capable of sustaining himself for an extended period of time without the need of mana supplied by a Master or and established contract, for War has no true Master. Back up from a Master is needed for the use of Noble Phantasms which use a great amount of magical energy.

Battle Continuation: A+
War cannot be stopped, only ended for a time. Even then, somewhere in the world, a war is either being waged or is brewing, waiting to begin. War begins and ends not as people wish it to, but only as it should. As such, this side of war has manifested as this Skill for Berserker, representing how war can continue for however long it can. Berserker can survive several near fatal wounds that place him on the verge of death.

Remembrance of the Dead: C+

Berserker remembers all those who fought and/or died in him, knowing their names, age, sex, when and how they died. Soldier or civilian, it doesn't matter.

Should Berserker encounter a Servant who fought in a war, he will gain immediate knowledge of their True Name and Noble Phantasms. Should this Servant have died in the war or as a result of it, Berserker gains a plus modifier for his physical abilities against them, since war claimed their life. However, when facing a Servant who lived through a war, that Servant will gain a plus modifier to their own physical stats, as they can be considered to have triumphed over him.

Eye of the Mind(False): A+
Berserker is able to sense and feel the flow of battle, able to analysis the conditions and identify the best possible course of action, even under the effects of mental interferences. Less a true skill but the accumulation of battle experience of the thousands of soldiers which partly make up Berserker's psyche. As such, it is practically an instinct ingrained into Berserker's body.

Noble Phantasms:

Bloodied Steel: A+

Anti-Army

Berserker may summon every single weapon which has ever been used in war to kill another being. Similar to the Gate of Babylon, the key difference is sheer quantity. Rather than being the prototype versions of Noble Phantasms, the weapons stored in Bloodied Steel are the countless nameless tools used in war, ranging from simple bullets to the largest battleships.

Berserker's control over these weapons is such he can mold and reforge them as he sees fit, merging thousands of bullets into a javelin, creating a cannon forged from thousands of sword blades, or a trebuchet made from ships of war. These newly combined weapons are infused with the blood that they shed in battle of both soldier and civilian, now corrupted by Berserker's influence, strengthening these weapons and raising their physical parameters in relation to the amount of blood they shed. As such, each weapon has the faint sound of the lamentations of the slain emitting from them. When they strike an enemy and draw blood, whoever has their blood drawn will be inflicted with the experiences of those who were killed by those weapons, causing them to gain the Madness Enchantment skill if they don't have a high enough Magic Resistance which will slowly increase, giving them flashbacks and dulling their senses. If the effect continues, they will begin to manifest the wounds inflicted by those weapons upon their victims, which will inevitably result in their death as they die from the sheer scale off he wounds. It is possible to remove these effects, but they must be treated early before it becomes irreversible.

Fat Man and Little Boy: A++

Anti-City

The two most powerful weapons within Bloodied Steel are Fat Man and Little Boy, the first and only nuclear bombs ever detonated in war, both of which wiped out thousands of lives in an instant and brought an end to the most devastating war in history, starting the Atomic Age and ushering the shadow of nuclear destruction. Thus, both are separate Noble Phantasms stored within Bloodied Steel. Berserker manifests both as a pair of gauntlets capable of causing small nuclear explosions on impact with any object and inflicting any Servants caught in the immediate blast range with radiation poisoning. Those directly struck by it, without sufficient means of resistance, will be killed instantly, obliterating them.

These weapons grant two plus modifiers against all Servants of Japanese origin, one for each bomb. Furthermore, Japanese Servants will become plagued with fear and dread at the mere sight of them, hindering their better judgement and combat abilites. However, it is possible for these Servants to overcome this mental interference and gain a plus modifier for their strength as they become filled with rage, hearing the wails of their countrymen who were utterly destroyed in an instant, leaving nothing but their shadows behind. These Servants will thus consider it their duty to avenge them.

When used at full power, both gauntlets will be launched as missiles and detonate, encompassing an area equivalent to the combined area of their blast radius. Both weapons will destroy everything caught in this blast radius, regardless of whatever protection they may have, no matter how high its rank, due to the combination of emotions and blood of those who were killed when the bombs were detonated in life and the legacy of fear left to the world afterwards. After both weapons are detonated they are lost and may no longer be used by Berserker.

Blade of the Unknown: EX

Anti-Unit

Berserker is composed of the many forgotten soldiers of history who died unmourned. When activating this Noble Phantasm, Berserker summons a massive blade. Behind him will appear the crazed spirits of those who died unmourned and unknown, all standing shoulder to shoulder, all equal in his eyes, all of whom will enter the blade, forging it into his demonic weapon of destruction.

Forged from the souls of every soldier who died unknown throughout human history, it grants a bonus to his stats when activated. Due to its nature, the blade will cause any it wounds to be overwhelmed by the rage and fury of the soldiers, shattering their minds and destroying their body. It takes a formidable will to even hope of resisting this.

**RoydGolden** · October 9th, 2018, 01:00 PM

Saber of the Antediluvian:

Appearance:

By MenasLG on DeviantArt

True Name: Methuselah 'The Demon-Slaying Patriarch', 'The world's oldest badass grandpa'

Alignment: Lawful Good

Alternate Classes: Lancer, Caster, Ruler

Strength- A
Agility- B+
Endurance- A+
Mana- A
Luck- B
NP- A++

Personality

Class Skills:

Magic Resistance- A+
Confers protection against magical effects. All spells below A-rank are nullified, and even A-rank spells are weakened greatly. In practice, the Servant is virtually untouchable to modern Magi. The naturally high resistance of his Class, the magic-rebuking properties of his first Noble Phantasm and his own unyielding piety have combined to furnish Saber with a peerless rank in this Skill.

A plus modifier is granted while defending against forms of Magecraft that are demonic in origin.

Riding- C
The ability to ride animals and handle vehicles. At this rank, most mundane mounts can be ridden at an average degree of skill.

Having no anecdotes of using mounts in his life, Saber possesses only a low rank in this Skill through his Class Container.

Personal Skills:

Mana Burst (Light)- A
A variation of Mana Burst that only the holiest and most pious individuals may possess. Boosts performance through infusing one's body and weaponry with magical energy that imparts the effect of holy light. Being holy, it naturally deals greater damage against Evil-aligned enemies. In combat, Saber mainly applies this Skill to imbue his sword with searing light, enhancing its reach and cutting power.

He can also stun his foes with flashbang-like bursts and translate his whole body into light to move at impossible speeds, appearing akin to teleportation.

True Name Discernment (Demon)- B
A Skill born from the anecdote of Saber receiving the true names of all demons in the world from their firstborn Agrimus. It allows Saber to discern the identity, powers and weaknesses of any demon simply by glancing upon it. This also applies to Heroic Spirits with demonic ancestry・affiliation. However, their status as mixed-race beings instead of full demons means that Saber must pass a Luck check to glean their identity rather than doing so instantaneously.

Guardian Knight- A+
A Skill that raises defensive prowess whilst standing guard over others. Having singlehandedly delivered the world from untold thousands of demons during his lifetime, Saber obtains virtually unlimited defensive prowess while fighting for those who place their faiths and expectations in him.

Divine Patriarch- B
A Skill denoting one's closeness to divinity and role as a "forefather" to humanity. Comprises an equal rank in the Natural Body and Divinity Skills. Saber was the last and greatest of the Antediluvian Patriarchs, blessed by God with an unrivalled lifespan of 969 years. Through his grandson Noah, he became the father of all mankind.

Noble Phantasms

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

So I was struck with inspiration and decided to do a remake of my old Methuselah Servant. I'm quite aware the first NP is pretty loosely grounded in his legend, but "blazing sword that kills demons real good" just wasn't enough to make an interesting NP on its own. The second NP is something I've long wanted to add to my old Methuselah sheet (in fact, it's why I decided on a remake to begin with).

As always, feel free to drop by with comments and criticisms. Thanks!

**King of Padoru** · October 9th, 2018, 02:43 PM

Review trade: I give you my comment on Methuselah, but you have to do the same with Juana.

The skillset and his second Noble Phantasm make him look more like a Ruler than like a Saber (I'm aware that he can be summoned as a Ruler too). This may be a silly question, but if he "catches" a Servant, would that completely sever the original contract?

Personality-wise, given his grandfatherly (does this word exist?) disposition, I feel like you could write about his relationship with the angel imouto (also, screw you for not adding a cute pic of her). I can imagine a scene in which after battle, the angel pops out from the blade to give "Gramps" a shoulder massage and put heat patches on his back.

- - - Updated - - -

Okay, this ended up shorter than what I thought...

**venomking** · October 9th, 2018, 03:13 PM

true name: phobia.
class: assassin.
alternate classes: beast, berserker.
alignment: chaotic neutral.
likes: happiness, survival, and human behavior.
dislikes: bravery, illogical death, and suicide.
origin: world.

parameters:
strength: C
agility: B
mana: B
endurance: D
luck: E

class skills:
presence concealment:
rank: N/A
this skill is contained within one of his noble phantasms.

personel skills:

advent of fear
rank: B
as assassin is an entity representing fear, he posses the aspect of fear skill, this causes all living things to be attacked with mental interference that takes the form as terror, however it is nullified by the skills that grant mental resistants, it also allows assassin an insight into what a servant fears.

essence of spirit
rank: C
a skill granted to a servant who is more a spirit of representation, that that of a having ever been living. as phobia is the spirit representing the fear all of living things have of death, he is granted this skill. but do to having become a servant this skill is lowered by two ranks. this skill grants the user resistance against physical attacks, thou not enough to block an NP it can negate the damage somewhat.

strength of fear
rank: A
a skill granting the ability to grant a full rank to strength and endurance, in exchange for taking unimaginable fear. this skill can be used only on other people or servants.

NP:

title: cloak of the terrifying unknown.
name: cloak of the unknown.
rank: B+
type: anti-personnel.
this cloak takes the idea of the most basic and primal of fears upon which assassin himself was formed from, the fear of the unknown, the cloak completely hides his presence unless he directly looked, as well as hides his identity, and allows travel instantly to any place were nobody is looking at. the cloak takes the form a dirty ratty form of clothing and can range from a hoodie to a cloak, to even a dirty school uniform. however, it could actually be best-called assassins
skin rather than an actual armor, or even an extension of assassin itself.

the monstrous advent of terror
name: the advent of terror
rank: B
type: anti-army.
this NP grants assassin to take upon the aspect of a monster, it is passive active NP that lets it absorb the fear of those around it, in order to transform its body by using the fear as a sort of blueprint, thus turning into a sort of weapon, assassin can take up ten fears at a time. and the more base the fear the more powerful and useful the transformation will be. however, this causes assassin to use up a lot of mana. this NP also allows him to raise his stats depending upon the transformation.

background: assassin was formed from the fear of the first biological thing capable of fear, however, he was not formed as a malicious spirit, but rather a spirit that represented one aspect of "the will to survive." however assassin would eventually take a physical form during the dark ages feeling the fear of millions over one thing, during that period he fought against pestilence for humanities survival but ultimately due to the ignorant priest who believed him to be a demon of some sort, was excised from the world, afterward he was forced to watch as humanity crept closer and closer to their own end unable to do anything. however he noticed the presence of the grail and has since used it its ability to summon spirits into the world in the hopes of using its power to end the plight of death that humans face, even though he knows that should he succeed it will inevitably cause his death or the closest he can face to death.

personality:
it is cold in act, but in reality, it is an entity full of emotion and caring for the humans, and will face even death to protect humans, in fact during the war assassin purposely kept battles away from large amounts of humans so they would get caught up in the battle, despite this basic weakening his offensive abilities in battle. it despises bravery as it sees it as casting aside it when its given everything it can for humanity. it also enjoys watching and mimicking human behavior. and shows great pride and joy in the happiness and progress humans have found themselves. and shows ecstatic joy when seeing humans happy, and also when it sees them afraid. however, interestingly it also despises attempts by humans to purposely feel fear, as it sees that as also a mockery of the sacrifice it is attempting to make for humanity.

authors note: I'll add pictures later, and I used Grammarly so I hope the grammar is far better in this than my normal grammar.

**RoydGolden** · October 9th, 2018, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by King of Padoru

Review trade: I give you my comment on Methuselah, but you have to do the same with Juana.

The skillset and his second Noble Phantasm make him look more like a Ruler than like a Saber (I'm aware that he can be summoned as a Ruler too). This may be a silly question, but if he "catches" a Servant, would that completely sever the original contract?

Personality-wise, given his grandfatherly (does this word exist?) disposition, I feel like you could write about his relationship with the angel imouto (also, screw you for not adding a cute pic of her). I can imagine a scene in which after battle, the angel pops out from the blade to give "Gramps" a shoulder massage and put heat patches on his back.

- - - Updated - - -

Okay, this ended up shorter than what I thought...

Thanks for the feedback Padoru.

I've finally gotten around to reading your Juana de Castilla sheet. It's incredibly good. The Lore and Personality sections being from her own POV added a tremendous amount of flavor. You really managed to convincingly portray Juana as a "tragic heroine". Now you've made me want to read a fanfic where she gets summoned in a Holy Grail War and falls in love with a Master who can treat her properly and give her the happy end she never got in life.

My only nitpick regarding the sheet is that her FC isn't showing up properly for me, but it's a minor detail since I can easily view it by clicking the link anyways.

As for my Methuselah, I'm aware he comes off as more of a Ruler than a Saber. I made him a Saber mainly because a sword is his primary NP. And yes, his second NP will negate a Servant's contract with their Master if they submit to him. I considered adding a note to that in the sheet itself, but didn't think it was necessary. I'll also think about adding more detail on his "angel imouto", as well as maybe a FC for her. (Will have to look for a good one, though).

I also realized I forgot to include an Alignment section in Methuselah's sheet. Will correct posthaste.

**RoydGolden** · October 9th, 2018, 05:15 PM

Phobia: Definitely an interesting concept for a Servant. I feel there's somewhat of a contradiction between his likes & dislikes and his actual personality though. If he likes seeing humans happy, why is "misery" listed amongst his likes? Also, not a contradiction but just something I've curious about; you say Phobia dislikes bravery since it's the act of denying fear, but how would he feel about "courage", which is accepting that you're afraid and acting anyways?

**King of Padoru** · October 9th, 2018, 05:52 PM

Originally Posted by RoydGolden

Thanks for the feedback Padoru.

I've finally gotten around to reading your Juana de Castilla sheet. It's incredibly good. The Lore and Personality sections being from her own POV added a tremendous amount of flavor. You really managed to convincingly portray Juana as a "tragic heroine". Now you've made me want to read a fanfic where she gets summoned in a Holy Grail War and falls in love with a Master who can treat her properly and give her the happy end she never got in life.

My only nitpick regarding the sheet is that her FC isn't showing up properly for me, but it's a minor detail since I can easily view it by clicking the link anyways.

As for my Methuselah, I'm aware he comes off as more of a Ruler than a Saber. I made him a Saber mainly because a sword is his primary NP. And yes, his second NP will negate a Servant's contract with their Master if they submit to him. I considered adding a note to that in the sheet itself, but didn't think it was necessary. I'll also think about adding more detail on his "angel imouto", as well as maybe a FC for her. (Will have to look for a good one, though).

I also realized I forgot to include an Alignment section in Methuselah's sheet. Will correct posthaste.

Thanks, man! I felt that writing her story in first person would make it easier to convey all her tragedy (which is basically her whole life...), including her own thoughts and all that. Used as I am to turn girls into cute waifus, her edge and lack of adorable traits resulted harder than I thought, to be honest. I was very close to make her a tsundere with weakness for pretty boys, but that'd make her lose edge points and be quite similar to the fellow Avenger Juana. Her skillset was quite the challenge too. Mental Pollution was the only skill I was sure she'd have, but thank goodness I got some inspiration. I personally think that in a fic she'd be the kind of character that becomes a big problem for the MC because of her personality rather than because of her power, and that her death would be similar to Medea's.

I don't really know why the FC doesn't show up, but well, the link is there.

**PlatineDragon** · October 9th, 2018, 06:04 PM

Berserker

Faceclaim

Identity

Personality

Background

Parameters

Skills

NP

**Kabalisto Koga** · October 9th, 2018, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by RoydGolden

Thanks for the feedback Padoru.

I've finally gotten around to reading your Juana de Castilla sheet. It's incredibly good. The Lore and Personality sections being from her own POV added a tremendous amount of flavor. You really managed to convincingly portray Juana as a "tragic heroine". Now you've made me want to read a fanfic where she gets summoned in a Holy Grail War and falls in love with a Master who can treat her properly and give her the happy end she never got in life.

My only nitpick regarding the sheet is that her FC isn't showing up properly for me, but it's a minor detail since I can easily view it by clicking the link anyways.

As for my Methuselah, I'm aware he comes off as more of a Ruler than a Saber. I made him a Saber mainly because a sword is his primary NP. And yes, his second NP will negate a Servant's contract with their Master if they submit to him. I considered adding a note to that in the sheet itself, but didn't think it was necessary. I'll also think about adding more detail on his "angel imouto", as well as maybe a FC for her. (Will have to look for a good one, though).

I also realized I forgot to include an Alignment section in Methuselah's sheet. Will correct posthaste.

Your Methusalah is amazing ! He seems for me the typical senile(sleepy) grandpa that is reliable if needed ,one Question what is his Spear noblephantasm as Lancer and his primer as Caster ?
and would be this \/ Picture apprpriate vor his Sword spirit ? Royd ,and how would he see Goliath and other followers of the polytheic Deities ?

Originally Posted by King of Padoru

Thanks, man! I felt that writing her story in first person would make it easier to convey all her tragedy (which is basically her whole life...), including her own thoughts and all that. Used as I am to turn girls into cute waifus, her edge and lack of adorable traits resulted harder than I thought, to be honest. I was very close to make her a tsundere with weakness for pretty boys, but that'd make her lose edge points and be quite similar to the fellow Avenger Juana. Her skillset was quite the challenge too. Mental Pollution was the only skill I was sure she'd have, but thank goodness I got some inspiration. I personally think that in a fic she'd be the kind of character that becomes a big problem for the MC because of her personality rather than because of her power, and that her death would be similar to Medea's.

I don't really know why the FC doesn't show up, but well, the link is there.

Youre juana is also really good and the selfview author-stylle(i hope you know what i mean ) donate her charackter a great Depth !
what would she think when she meet Goliath has she pity for him or would he be a Senpai-figure ? nevertheless good work ! About the Grammar have i really made no improvements i think i made some ?

At you two and the others i am 1/2 finished with my Fenris Lancer ,but what would you think of the abbilities of Gleipnir as Spear (im curious)?

**RoydGolden** · October 9th, 2018, 07:21 PM

Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga

Your Methusalah is amazing ! He seems for me the typical senile(sleepy) grandpa that is reliable if needed ,one Question what is his Spear noblephantasm as Lancer and his primer as Caster ?
and would be this \/ Picture apprpriate vor his Sword spirit ? Royd ,and how would he see Goliath and other followers of the polytheic Deities ?

Glad you liked my sheet. His NP as Lancer would still be his sword, just sublimated into the form of a spear (alluding to how Methuselah's name can be translated as "man of the spear").

Caster Methuselah would have the Revelation Skill to represent the visions he received from Enoch. He wouldn't have the sword NP, but instead some NP or Skill that lets him imbue the name of God into any tool, turning it into a Noble Phantasm-grade holy weapon. Basically a costlier (since he'd have to spend three days praying and fasting to invoke it) but more powerful version of Lancelot's Knight Of Owner. I could also see Methuselah having something to do with the Great Flood as an NP, since his death was the only thing holding it back. Maybe a suicide attack that offers his own life to the Lord in return for summoning flood waters to wash over his enemies.

Methuselah probably see Goliath as a worthy opponent/rival. He'd try to persuade him to abandon the Pagan gods, but when that inevitably fails they'd come to blows.

For the sword-spirit, that picture is a bit "daintier" than what I had in mind (I was thinking something a little more cheerful/tomboyish), but I'll seriously consider using it nevertheless. Honestly there's an absolute ton of great anime angel girl artwork out there, so it's a little hard to choose one in particular.

Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga

At you two and the others i am 1/2 finished with my Fenris Lancer ,but what would you think of the abbilities of Gleipnir as Spear (im curious)?

I honestly have no idea how you'd even think of turning Gleipnir into a spear, since as far as I know it was never described as anything other than a tough chain in legend.

That said, the main things Gleipnir is famous for is being nearly unbreakable and being used to seal away/weaken a monster, so presumably those qualities would carry over to its spear form in some fashion.

**RoydGolden** · October 9th, 2018, 07:37 PM

Besouro: This is a cool sheet for a dude I never heard of before. The beetle transformation NP is awesome.

For his Mestre Capoeirista Skill, I'd personally rename it to just Capoeristia and say that over a certain rank qualifies as mastery. It feels odd to give him a Skill specifically for mastery. That's what rankings are for. And if even E-rank implies you're a master, A+++ would have to mean some kind of super-duper ultra grandmaster, which is getting a bit silly IMO.

Also, his FC isn't showing up for me for some reason. I've clicked the spoiler tags, but there doesn't seem to be anything there.

**King of Padoru** · October 9th, 2018, 08:00 PM

I can see the FC properly, perhaps it's a problem with your device. It sometimes happens with my cell phone too.

Besouro: For reference with Mestre Capoeirista, the description of Li Shuwen's Chinese Martial Arts says that its rank needs to be A or higher to have really learned it.

**Kabalisto Koga** · October 9th, 2018, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by RoydGolden

Glad you liked my sheet. His NP as Lancer would still be his sword, just sublimated into the form of a spear (alluding to how Methuselah's name can be translated as "man of the spear").

Methuselah probably see Goliath as a worthy opponent/rival. He'd try to persuade him to abandon the Pagan gods, but when that inevitably fails they'd come to Blows.

I honestly have no idea how you'd even think of turning Gleipnir into a spear, since as far as I know it was never described as anything other than a tough chain in legend.

That said, the main things Gleipnir is famous for is being nearly unbreakable and being used to seal away/weaken a monster, so presumably those qualities would carry over to its spear form in some fashion.

Well in my Version of the history of Fenrir is that Gleipnir was before ist existence as Chain a Divine Spear and he was a Demigod Prior to his beastialisation.
and also for me atleast does have every "real" Lancer(sorry Enkidu ) a Spear,Polearm or Lance type weapon.

**King of Padoru** · October 9th, 2018, 08:17 PM

Originally Posted by Kabalisto Koga

what would she think when she meet Goliath has she pity for him or would he be a Senpai-figure ?

Angry for him being demonified just for not believing in God

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